I Might As Well Put on my Weenie Suit Now

Because I am SOOOO going to get flamed for this. . .

I've been reading about the Steubenville rapists and victim and, while I am disgusted by the mainstream media coddling rapists -- (yes, RAPISTS.  I don't care how old they are) -- and I don't believe it was the girl's fault that she was raped, I have to believe that responsibility DOES fall on both sides.  

It's not enough that boys should be taught (TAUGHT, ugh) not to rape unconscious women -- women must be reminded to take responsibility for their actions.  Ohhh.   I can feel the feminist heat wave coming right now.

Here's what I mean.  I saw a quote from Muhammad Ali's daughter, Laila, recently -- where her dad gave her a talk about how precious she is and how her clothing reflects how she values herself.  

http://www.therevival.co.uk/blogs/northen-southener/boxer-muhammad-alis-advice-his-daughter

(Unverified source but you get the message right?)

An incident transpired when Muhammad Ali's daughters arrived at his home wearing clothes that were quite revealing. Here is the story as told by one of his daughters:

“When we finally arrived, the chauffeur escorted my younger sister, Laila, and me up to my father's suite. As usual, he was hiding behind the door waiting to scare us. We exchanged many hugs and kisses as we could possibly give in one day. My father took a good look at us. Then he sat me down on his lap and said something that I will never forget. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You've got to work hard to get to them."

He looked at me with serious eyes. "Your body is sacred. You're far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too."

I understand this message.  It's the one that my parents gave me when I turned old enough to notice boys and for them to notice me.  

I also remember my friends in college -- not all of them, certainly, but enough with their girly parts hanging out, trying to attract male attention.  I never understood why it was so important to have a man value a woman for her physical gifts and not for a sense of humor, smarts, wits, financial security, etc.  ANYONE with 3 grand can have a hot rack.  Anyone can have one-night stands.  It takes a LOT more to make a relationship, at least with anyone who matters.  

When do we start teaching daughters that they MUST value themselves before anyone else ?  When does it become clear that the models on the billboards are selling something OTHER than clothes/perfume/whatever the flavor of the month is ?  When is it okay to be "not the cute one" ?  When is it okay NOT to have the trendy clothes, the perfect nose, to be defined by size (and women are vicious on this one), to be allowed to be an individual and not a Hollister or AE clone ?  

Why are so many mothers allowing their daughters to skip this lesson ?  Why ALSO are so many mothers PERPETUATING this myth ?  The one that says if you are beautiful, popular, catty -- you are part of the elite and that's enough.  You can pick on the weak, cheat, lie, drink until you pass out and NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU !!  When did mothers abdicate their responsibilities to their daughters and allow them to lower their protective instincts enough so that predators CAN PREY ON THEM ?  Beat them.  Rape them.  Take naked pictures (which NEVER EVER EVER go away on the Internet).

When did so many parents decide that their daughters weren't valuable ?  And WHY do we keep having to have this same discussion ?  The Accused with Jodie Foster came out in 1988 with the EXACT SAME MESSAGE.  That's 25 years ago, folks.  25 years in which women continue to be blamed for what men do.  We continue to blame women for what they wear (or don't wear) and let guys slide because they can throw a damn ball.  This HAS TO STOP.  The blame has to stop, but the lessons MUST continue.  

Thoughts ?

The Forgotten

I guess you're never too old to get your feelings hurt.  

I am living outside of my "Southern Comfort zone" and it really hit home today.  A previous work friend posted that he was so thankful for "all his friends" that had helped with a work party and it hit me that I wasn't even invited to participate.  *** instant flashback to junior high ***

I've had problems with this before -- it's like, when I'm not in close proximity to people, I'm instantly forgotten.  And I don't understand this -- but I also know that I remember people for far longer than I probably should.  

Maybe it's because of where I grew up, where there weren't many people and those that *were* there, stayed there.  We didn't have a lot of folks move in and out -- if you were in my school, there was a very good chance that you would be there for 9, 10, 11, 12 years.  And you might not ever move away even after school.  

Even so, I didn't make really close friends in high school, but I tried.  I didn't make really close friends in college -- but I tried.  I have made friends in every work environment I've ever been in, but again. . . not really "close", "tight" friendships -- more like people you connect with on Facebook to catch up and check in on a few times a year, with two exceptions.  I made friends in Houston that I still have and I made friends up here at a consulting company that I am still in touch with.

I guess what I'm not getting is. . . how this works.  I try *so hard* to be polite, mind my manners, bring thoughtful gifts, be funny, get invited back, and make sure that I am memorable (because that is how my parents/grandparents raised me) and it. JUST. DOESN'T. WORK.

Anyhow -- maybe there's a Friends for Dummies book out there somewhere.  Maybe.  

Maybe I could write it someday.

Thoughts ?

So. . . I Got De-Friended Yesterday

And it's not really a huge surprise. It's been coming for a while, I guess.

An old schoolmate of mine kept posting his views on politics and religion. Okay -- no problem there, except that we disagree on so many things. Again, we're both adults -- so, it's okay that he has his views and I have mine.

EXCEPT. I got tired of him preaching to me (and everyone else) that we are doing religion wrong. I had several conversations with him saying that I believe religion is a very personal decision and that each person has to come to terms with their faith in their own way, based on their own experiences. Nope. He continued to bombard our shared social network with his views on who is (and who is not) preaching the "true" gospel and who is leading people down the path of "health and wealth".

Seems to me that God is running a huge RV park for us and here's what I mean by that: There's an enormous space fenced off and set aside for believers and however you get to that space should be up to you. There are certain rules for living in that space (which I struggle with), but we all don't get there off the same exit. What upsets me about the de-friender is that, not only was he telling people what exit he wanted them to take, he was berating them if they came to the RV park via a side road.

I also find it grating that he would not even begin a conversation about how he might be running people away from Christianity with his inflexibility. It's not like God put him in charge at the gate. GOD is in charge of the gate. (And the entire RV park, for that matter.) I believe that we are in charge of helping as many people as possible to know about that park and to show them, by our words and deeds, as many ways to enter that park as possible.

His view of things was not to reply to me -- to start that conversation -- but to wait until his choir chimed in, reinforcing his entrenchedness. He feeds on "amen, brother", but not "well, but there's more than one way to look at this". He is the very essence of the current Republican wingnut fringe and that scares me.

It worries me that his stubbornness cost him a friend or two along the way. It worries me more that he is going to have to answer to the Man Upstairs for shoving others off the path because they didn't do it his way.

Thoughts ?

The Big Fat Nag Says:

Eat your vegetables !

Yeah, yeah -- you don't like squash. Okay, eat a carrot. Really ? You don't like carrots ? What about a parsnip ? No ? Asparagus ? Beets ? Green beans ?

OH, C'MON.

I will admit to thinking that greens and turnips are nasty, but -- really -- eat some veggies every day. You'll thank me someday.

NB: Deep-fried potatoes DO NOT COUNT as vegetables. Nor is ketchup. I don't care what McDonalds says.

Thoughts ?

Man Plans. . . God Laughs

Sooo. . . where to begin ?

DH and I completed our vacation to the Eastern Caribbean and returned home on the 22nd of January. He immediately went back to work on Monday and I began the task/s of restoring the house to some sort of order -- emptying suitcases, washing clothes, soothing frantic animals.

The chair for the living room was delivered on the 25th, so we now have one chair that needs another home.

Plus, his Christmas present finally arrived, so he now has a decent chair in which to work at home -- but that now means that we have two chairs to go somewhere else.

I dropped the dog off at "preschool" on Tuesday and did a bunch of errands, including rescheduling jury duty and moving his haircut up to Wednesday, so that DH didn't have to do it on the weekend. =)

I already had a trip planned out of state, leaving on 2/6, but I got a call on the 30th saying that a dear friend of mine was not doing well and that we probably needed to go ahead and make plans to go see him. That's when the storm/s shut down DFW. I got a call on Wednesday morning letting me know that he was returned to his Maker the night before.

It's times like these that I don't understand how stuff works. Since he was diagnosed last year, our paths have not crossed again. If I was in town, he was away. I think of him as one of my best friends, even tho we didn't get to see each other often and he was the closest thing I've ever had to a brother.

It just seems so strange that we place so much importance on the minor annoyances in our life, while the major stuff sometimes gets shunted aside for "another day".

I'm just sad that I don't have "another day" with Howard.

Thoughts ?

How Can It Be Friday Already ?

In less than three hours, we will be on our way to our vacation.

I left my position on Tuesday and will be fulfilling some other plans for the rest of the year.

For those of you who might be reading, the thanks for the previous four years of support still stand and I hope that the next year will be one of the most interesting and exciting. I'm so privileged to be able to share it.

I am packed and ready to go -- which may count as a minor miracle. . .

Thoughts ?

I Am Bored Tonight

And I am now looking around to see which deceased grandparent is about to put me to work doing something where I don't ever say that I am bored again.

It's weird. I should be asleep. My body is tired, but my brain won't shut off. Unfortunately, this also means that I feel the need to share this with the world, but hey. . . at least I'm keeping it clean. =P

I had strawberry French toast, buttery hash browns and two scrambled eggs for breakfast on Saturday and now, that's all I can think of. It's bizarre, but I can almost still smell the potatoes. They were delicious.

I'm also thinking of planting flowers in the next few days -- pansies, most likely, just in case we still have a freeze hiding in the weather wings. And I'll try to plant strawberries in my front porch planter as well. They didn't do well last year, but I'm hoping for better luck this time.

I have several jewelry ideas that I can't get past the brain stage -- they keep getting stuck up there and not being able to come out my fingers. I also still need one single pink briolette, but I haven't found the exact piece that I want to wire as a bail. Maybe I'll look again at Shipwreck -- I can usually find there I like. =P

If you haven't figured it out, I'm not only bored, but I'm trying to get myself back in the habit of blogging on a more regular basis. I am beginning to think that it may be the only thing that's going to keep me sane. . . or at least less crazy. =P

I am having such a hard time living in the present. I am either thinking 10-20 years in the past or I'm already planning for this summer. Why is that ? (Yeah, I think I already know. . . )

I don't think the caffeine is wearing off, but the urge to write is, so signing off for the night.

Mediocrity is my watchword. Hear me roa. . . um. . . yeah.

Thoughts ?