A Fork in the Road

Otherwise known as the road less taken.

I've wondered about the road less taken for a long time. I find myself wondering about jobs that I did not take and places that I did not live, schools I did not attend and what other choices I might have made.

Don't get me wrong -- I accept the choices that I've made and I don't necessarily regret any of them. I'm just wondering about what might have been. I've always heard that a re-examination of your life every ten years is appropriate, but I seem to be either late or reeeeally early this time.

I've been kicking the idea of returning to school around for quite a while and I'm starting to feel myself leaning more and more towards that fork. I just hate to have to keep starting over and always starting from scratch. Maybe another degree will be the extra "oomph" that I need in order to sell my brain and have someone appreciate the small talents that I actually possess.

I also dream about teaching. I love sharing knowledge with others, but am a little apprehensive about taking something that I love so much and possibly losing that love by having to actually do it on a daily basis.

My last dream is to be a full-time mom, but -- let's face it -- that one may be beyond me. The hands (and sands) of time wait for no man, but I had to wait a very long time for mine. Still, there are always children that need families -- all it ever takes is money, love, and time.

Back to the fork/s, I suppose.

Thoughts ?

The Reason My Knee Goes "POP"

So. . . the short answer goes like this: I went skiing. Once.

Yes, friends and neighbors, it only took me one time to absolutely destroy my right knee.

Here's what happened (thanks, Monk !) --

I went to Ruidoso, New Mexico, for a quick ski trip with some church friends back when I was young and dumb. (No, not last week -- this has been many years ago.) We got up there, got our stuff unpacked, and headed for the slopes ! My friend told me that she would teach me to ski and that I didn't even need to take the lessons -- besides, those were for the little kids, anyhow.

I should have known better, but again -- young and dumb. Anyhow, about 30 minutes later, I found myself skiing downhill, which was not so bad, EXCEPT I was going much faster than I planned, I couldn't figure out how to "steer" exactly, and I could see what was in front of me -- the huge steel pole holding up the ski lift. This was gonna be BAD.

I weighed my options and figured I could just throw myself to the side and land in the snow. It wouldn't be fun, but way less painful than hitting that pole head-on, right ? Mmhmm. I flung myself over to the right and, as I did, the toe of my right ski caught. On the snow. And did. Not. Move. Nor, I found out later, did the bindings release. These are both bad things, apparently.

Here's the plus to all this -- I now have first-hand knowledge of what it sounds like when a ligament breaks. Not tears. Not stretches. Breaks. (For those of you who were wondering, it sounds like KA-POW!) At this point, I am now flat on my hiney in the snow in what my husband has been kind enough to tell me is called a "yard sale". I realize that I have done something very bad, but I'm at least bright enough to SIT THERE and not make it worse.

My friend, who was skiing behind me, has seen all this occur and so she stops by me and says "Hey, you okay ?" I let her know, in no uncertain terms, that I was not in a good place and that the ski patrol was going to need to come get me. That poor girl. . . her first follow-up question was "Are you sure ?" I'd never realized that I could use my eyes as lasers until then. And. . . she skied off to get 'em.

About ten minutes later, the lovely ski patrol folks discovered me sitting quietly in the snow. I didn't realize they would scold you, but their first statement was "if you'd have crossed your skis, we'd have known to come get you earlier". I calmly replied, "if I'da known to do so, I assure you I would have" and grinned at them. "I've been here about half an hour and it's my first time skiing." Boy, that seemed to freak them out a little.

It always looks fun when other people get to ride down the mountain while others are carrying you. It's not. It's very disorienting because all you can see is the sky. Well. . . and other people who STARE AT YOU. That's VERY disturbing.

An hour later, I was in the ER with people trying to cut my borrowed ski pants off me. Um -- no. I told the doc that I would get the pants off, but he absolutely did not believe me. I said, "okay -- give me 10 minutes and come back". Still have no idea how I did it, but I did. Doc came back in and gave me the big eye. I guess he's never dealt with that kind of determined woman. After that, it was off to X-ray. I already knew I hadn't broken any bones, but I couldn't figure out what that pop was earlier.

It's a weird thing when the doc won't tell you what kind of damage you've done -- I guess he thought I would freak out or lose it or something. He had also seen the scars from the previous arthros on both knees and let me know that I would "need to see my orthopedic guy". All I wanted to know was how bad it was. Nope. Apparently, that needed to be a secret. Weird. Psst -- here's a secret. The radio tech will tell ya as long as you promise not to cry or hold him to his preliminary diagnosis. Yep.

Cut to me going home a couple days later. Why didn't I go home that day ? *meh* Wouldn't have done any good and all of us needed to get a little more sleep before driving home (p.s. -- I was not going to be doing any of the driving, ya see).

Got home and talked with my orthopod -- who was, honestly, not terribly surprised to see me. I think he always suspected that I would revisit him after those original arthros -- just probably not for something this serious.

MRIs are fun. When you don't realize that there's metal in your brace that the ER gave you and no one actually checks it (they just take your word that there's no metal that you KNOW of in it), the MRI machine just sucks that long blade of metal RIGHT INTO THE MACHINE. Oops. They got it fixed without having to shut down the machine, thank goodness, and loaded me in like I was a microwave burrito. I think I was one of the very few people that they'd ever seen who fell ASLEEP during the procedure. It's so weird -- it sounds like someone banging on a tin roof panel with a rubber mallet and a ball peen hammer -- how hard can that be to sleep through ? =P

Surgery was less fun, even though I got to sleep through that as well. Actually, the sleeping through it was WAY easy -- it was when I was conscious again that the nightmare began. Apparently ONE pound and TEN pounds look the same when someone fills up the icepack. Okay, maybe not TEN pounds, but. . . it felt like a hundred and I know that's just ridiculous to think about. Ow. Ow, ow, ow. That's pretty much all I said/thought about for the next several hours. Oh, and Vicodin ? Pfft. Does not even touch the pain - just makes your brain mushy. Three or four days of that nonsense and I decided that was not something I needed any more of. Ugh.

Home to recover before I got set up with PT. PT is physical therapy and normal people actually go to facilities that offer this option. Since I did something amazingly stupid and "broke my knee" in a tiny little town, I got to do all my PT at the local high school. Yes. I was between college semesters and I'm getting hit on by the high school football boys. (I could not make this stuff up.)

The coach who oversaw and administered the PT under my doc's instructions could not have been better, btw, but I'll tell ya what. I have never hated a bicycle more. I hated the stationary bike, I hated the Cybex machine, I hated the whirlpool, and I hated the training table. Oh. Did I mention that to GET to these demonic devices, I had to go down a flight of stairs ? On crutches ? With a FULL LEG brace on ? Oh, mais oui ! Five times a week for multiple months. Oh, yes.

Here it is by the numbers: 30 minutes of skiing equals 6 months on crutches, 9 months in a brace, 12 months in PT and 12K for the knee repair.

And that, dear readers, is why I have never skied again and why my knee goes "pop".

Thoughts ?

Random Things. . .

Mus-thard, cus-thard, and YOU, poo-poo head !

Run, Shermy, run !

(Please don't ask me to explain -- just know that I HAD to get this out of my head.)

Thoughts ?

Waking Up on a Lazy Saturday Morning

HEY !

*INSTANT ALERT*

What ? Are you okay ?

NO ! GET DOWN HERE !

*grab glasses from nightstand*
*propel myself in the air out from under the covers*
*run down stairs*
What's the matter ? What is it ?

IT'S A SNAKE !

*process*
*did he say "snake" ?*
*process*
*why is there a snake in my house ?*
*process*
*remember that I'm not in West Texas any more and that this probably means that it's not a poisonous snake*
*continue running down stairs*

I skid into the living room to find my husband holding our black cat who is struggling to get down and a small dark (think garter or grass) snake on my living room carpet. Snake is less wiggly than cat, but still. . . !

I need a box or something. . .

I reach over and grab a small basket for my cake supplies and toss it over snake. Husband allows cat to get down while he grabs shoes. We slide my craft board under snake, but oopsie. His tail is still out of the basket. Kismet IMMEDIATELY spots the flaw in our plan and goes to thwack snake tail.

Long story short: adrenaline is the best ! Husband took snake across the street to release. Kismet is pouting. No puncture wounds on anyone.

Thoughts ?

Verboten Terms

Quick hits -- I'll give YOU a quick hit if you use this again. (Or low-hanging fruit, either. Really ? Have you seen a lot of mango trees at YOUR office lately ? No -- I thought not.)

Amazing -- I am so sick of this word and it's partially my fault. Damn you, reality television ! (I'm looking straight at you, you so-called "Real" housewives. Pssht. Real, my left hind fanny.)

Rock Star -- as in "you're my rock star". No. I'm not. I'm the grunt that gets it done for about a tenth of the money you would have to pay anyone else.

Outrageous -- why ? Why do things have to be "outrageous" ? (Or "extreme", for that measure ?) Why isn't it enough just to have normal things ?

Bandwidth -- I am not a network pipe. I am a people.

Circle back -- because we are all pioneers in our wagons. Oh, suuuure. Mmmhmm.

Resource -- when used in conversations that involve actual human beings. This is only slightly more demeaning than the term FTE, which enjoyed its glory days in the late 80's. Criminy -- you are talking about colleagues, employees, "associates", "members", technicians, people, anything but a word also used to describe unsmelted ore. I am a unique little snowflake with very specific talents, I am not a cog in the machine.

Update -- had to add "take it to another level". I have somewhere you can take this. It's that big trash bin over there.

Thoughts ?

Because My Husband Likes Popsicles

And I like the jokes on the sticks.

What do you give a snake with allergies ?













Anti-hissssss-tamines.

*dies laughing*

Thoughts ?

Dammit, People -- What's Your PROBLEM ?

To Congress -- QUIT BEING PART OF THE PROBLEM and EARN your money. Knock off all this partisan crap and GET R DUN. The people that elected you should ask for their campaign contributions back (no, I'm not kidding at all) if you continue to pass things like the non-binding resolution of Geronimo's courage and not work on small items like the FREAKING stimulus bill/s.

FOLKS ! Pay attention !

Also -- earmark THIS. Quit thinking about yourselves for a change and think about what is best for the ENTIRE country. Judas Priest, but you people are stupid and shortsighted.

To the lobbyists: (I can't even say anything here because my gag reflex just kicks in.)

To AIG: No. No more. Go ask France for a loan.

To Rush Limbaugh: Shut it. Or get your Oxy refilled. No. . . actually. . . just shut it. You too, Bill Maher. Neither of you is nearly as smart as you think you are. Both of you should be classified as "entertainers". . . except neither of you actually IS entertaining.

To the Democrats: Quit just pitching money at the problem. Use your Harvard and Yale educations and actually THINK about where money would be best spent. And, if I have to come up there and show you people how to use the damn line item veto option, I will.

To the Republicans: Shut up and help. Quit pointing fingers because, honestly ? Y'all have absolutely nothing going on right now that's better. And. . . there were eight years of. . . eesh. How much has the Iraq "War on Terror" cost this country ? Right. Think about that when you are pointing at the earmarks and such.

To GM: Gee. . . it sure would have been smart of y'all to start working on hybrid cars about 10 years ago, wouldn't it ? Since your CEO saw fit to run you in the ground and y'all are thinking about declaring bankruptcy to restructure your debt. . .how's he looking now ? Oh, yeah -- and he's the one that got BONUS. ES ! last year. How smart was that ? (Also, Ford ? Looking at you too, so don't get all high and mighty.)

To Wall Street: Are you proud of yourselves ? I hope every one of you dishonest, greedy SOBs get indicted and fined out the hoohah. I want you to have to live where the lower middle class have to live and I want YOU to worry about foreclosure and how to pay off student loans and that your 401K is in the toilet. I want you to suffer like you made other people suffer. (Plus. . .John Thain should be forced to bag groceries at the local Sak-N-Pak on the graveyard shift for the rest of his natural life. Prison is too good for him.)

To the folks who can't seem to manage your budgets: Have you got it now ? Do you now understand the very simple math that says if you're bringing in about 40K a year, a 500K or more house is probably WAY out of your price range ? Do you now understand the acronym APR on the credit card statements ? Do you ?

To Octomom: Words fail me. Speaking of fail. . . my Lord, woman, but you are. Epic phail. Absolutely epic.

I still don't really feel better, but I just had to get this off my chest and out of my head.

Thoughts ?